Tanya in her carrier

Bumbo Baby

Panda Mummy

Feeling really tired. Hardly time to come in and blog these days. I wanted to blog about the wedding and X'mas experiences but just haven't had the time. Hope can backdate it soon. Nights are crazy; with her waking up up to 4 times a night. Minus away the time spent for feeding and putting her back to sleep, some days I'm hardly clocking 5 hours of sleep. Sometimes, on her worse nights, she stays up for 2 hours at a feeding refusing to get back to bed :(

The good side is that I'm not working. I cannot imagine keeping such nights if I had to wake up for work the next day. I really hope she can sleep through the night before I start work again.

First time in Stokke

Sentosa

Here was us at Dolphin Lagoon.
(backdated) We visited Sentosa for Agnes' and Chris' wedding at Rasa Sentosa. We had to get a room otherwise it would have been impossible to make it with Tanya. I must admit the room rate was a tad steep, even with the wedding discounted rates, but it was a good experience for Tanya's first outing "overseas".

I must admit we were really lucky, because Tanya had one of her better nights that night and slept through til the 5th dish before she started crying and I had to leave and wheel her upstairs to our room. Just last night, she fussed and refused to sleep til 930pm.

Here's a pic of her all wrapped up, ready for bed in the cold aircon room.

Updates

Its been a long time since I've last posted. In this time, I fell sick. It was terrible being sick and waking up to nurse. But then something worse happened. Baby fell sick too :( Stuck nose, caught from me I think. We got some nose drips from the doctor and a tiny bit of medicine to be given to her orally via syringe. Hope and pray she gets better soon. Meanwhile, nights are darn tough as she cries fearfully in the middle of the night, when she cannot breathe. Totally heartache. So we gave up the aircon we had on every night and hope that helps.

Tomorrow, we will check into Rasa Sentosa, for my friend's wedding. I have to admit, I'm quite apprehensive about spending our first night out of home with Tanya. But even harder I feel, is that we'll be having her try to sleep at the very noisy banquet. Initially, I thought to attend it alone, while Ming watch over her in the room. But Ming felt we could handle her at the banquet. I hope pray he's right.

Meanwhile, I better make sure we pack everything Tanya will need for the night. Especially sleep in Rasa, sure very cold? Every night as is, she sleeps with a light romper in her grobag. In aircon, I will dress her in long pyjamas. Maybe I better bring 2 PJs in case Rasa is cold? And Moses basket for sleeping in the banquet hall?

Speaking of the grobag, we bought another one for her so we may wash ours. The pirated version by Lucky Baby for a fraction of the cost. BUT, its amazing the difference in sizes! The original Grobag we have is up to 6 months. When we buy the same size for her from Lucky Baby, it was too small for her! and she is only 2 months! So we changed to the bigger size, up to 9 months, and it was still smaller than the original Grobag. Geez, no wonder it was much cheaper...but never mind lor. At least she can have a change while we wash the original one.

Bathtime Baby

We turn two!

(backdated) Finally get chance to login and blog this, while Ming tries to put the girl to nap. She sleeps well in sling, but otherwise, its tiring fight trying to get her to nap, and stay asleep. She's so good in slings, we got her another sateen sling from MIM, so at least we could wash and dry the current one.

3rd Dec was both her second month and our 2nd anniversary. We decided to try to do some mini celebrations, test water see how she reacts. In the day time, she is generally okay, so long she's in the sling, night time was the toughie, as we normally bathe her at about 730pm, last feed 8pm, so she can sleep about 8.30-9pm.

So morning, we went Delifrance for breakfast, then popped by Metro to grab a couple of stuff for me. Then we popped by Takashimaya and grabbed a couple of items for Tanya baby and a small cake for our celebration before heading home for a break. We didn't manage to get anything for Ming, so in the evening we popped by to the driving range so he could whack some balls. I had to again feed in public, so I found an empty lorong to do our thing. After that, we went to Aston's for steak. As expected, her fussy time started and we had to gobble down our celebratory dinner :( and hurry home. I would expect we would not be celebrating X'mas nor New Year with any dinners this year. Lunch is still okay.

Maybe by Valentine's next year, she would be big enough and easier to handle? I must admit its quite disappointing. I was told she would be better after 2 months, when she was bigger, but no leh, still so difficult. I have friends whose baby sleep through the night at 2 months. How come she still, not only wakes up several times for milk, but is also sometimes fussy when awake. Naps are still the big challenge now. Hoping things will get better. Soon.

Botak Baby

Panda Mummy

The last few days been really trying. Not sure why the baby so difficult leh. Supposed to be getting better liao coz she 2 months liao. But either she wakes up in the middle of the night and refuses to sleep or she will refuse to drink after taking just one boob at night. So wakes up more often. I'm really tired because I need my sleep! My days become hazy, and I get more impatient with her. I think all due to lack of sleep ba? Hardly find the time to come online. But today is her 2nd month, and our 2nd anniversary. How much things has changed. Wonder what our celebrations will be like. Anyway Ming has taken leave yet again. Will update.

The days that follow

Last few nights followed suit and was tough on us. Thursday night especially, when she woke at 12+ until 2.30am then went to sleep, then again at 4am, 5+am and 6+am. It was quite frightening because my milk flow is also being regulated and I feel empty. So I couldn't help but wonder if my supply was insufficient.

Friday night, she was also fussy and refused to feed off my right, despite 1.5 hours of coaxing. Instead she turned away and cried when we try to put her down. After much consoling, she finally decided to latch on the right and fed herself to sleep. Hai what a stubborn girl...

Today we went to view flat and bump into Fran and family. haha so coincidental. Guess its cause we're looking at the same area here.

Rough night

Yesterday was a rough night. Not sure what happened coz she was great for so many nights. Yesterday, she wouldn't settle to bed and needed a full hour and a half of coaxing. I was having a headache through all that time, and only dared take medicine after she slept after feeding. Then she woke at her usual 2.30am but wouldn't sleep til 4am (that worsened my headache), only to wake at 5+am! Normally she slept well after feed. Was it my supply lessned? I had to question my supply because normally i would feel quite engorged at nights, but not last night. Could it be the medicine?

The days after

After the eventful weekend, I hoped that the weekdays that follow would allow her to adjust back to normalcy, and get back on track with her sleep etc. But it was not to be. Shan came by for a visit on Monday, and witnessed just how difficult she could be. I really don't know why, but she kept refusing to take her nap, and then cry angrily when she's tired. Luckily, Shan was around and volunteered to packet lunch for me. I could hold her for over an hour trying to coax her to sleep, only to have her wake up when I lay her down. It was insanely tiring. I even had to sling her to use the toilet... I hope and pray this is a passing phase! Me and Shan agreed, that's the thing about motherhood. With work, you can look forward to weekends and leave and public holidays. With motherhood, there is really no breaks at all.

It is quite amazing coz, I'm really a person who needs her sleep. Most of my friends know I'm sleep notoriously early, and become cranky and slow witted when I don't get enough rest. But I think I'm actually getting used to it. I haven't had an afternoon for about a week now. I'm actually surviving with so little sleep, just don't mind my grouchiness or ask me any difficult questions...

First Haircut

(backdated) We had wanted to cut Tanya's hair on Saturday, but given the rough night on Friday, we decided not to overstimulate her on Saturday, so postponed her haircut to Sunday. Sunday morning, 11am, saw us at PS baby spa for her haircut.

Went fairly well, all in all, as I was asked to hold her during the shave. The Chinese national lady was quite patient and seemed quite experienced, albeit her young age. Tanya was pretty calm throughout it all, mostly yawning away.

PD jaundice review

(backdated) After much hard work getting her to bed after Friday's over stimulation, I really loathed waking her today to go for her 845am appointment. Normally there would be no issue, as she was an early baby who woke about 7-ish. But today at 8am, she was still sleeping peacefully. But no choice, we had to drive her for her appointment.

We told the PD our problems getting her to take the bottle, and how her last formula feed was so long ago. After that, we had resumed breastfeeding, lest she go hungry. Even my parents, experienced from having brought up my 2 cousins have tried to bottle-feed her to no avail. I tried enlisting my sister's aid but she refused, advising us to continue breastfeeding. We were told of Evan's hostory, where he would refuse the bottle when my sis went to work, taking only enough to tide him til mummy comes home where he would feed with relish. She told us, to wait til I need to work, about 6 to 8 months, when the baby would understand us. I really feel fortunate to be able to take 8 months off, instead of 4 months most mothers here are entitled. Although the rest would be unpaid leave, but many companies would not allow their staff to go off for such a long period.

So, back to the visit, the PD informed us that he could not tell the effects of the formula feeds as we had resumed breastfeeding :( Nonetheless, he advised us to take another blood test. So we had to poke her again. This time round, I was filled with pride for our brave girl, who didn't cry at all. We decided that if the level was still high or increased, we would have to rent the UV machine home. Francine's cousin rented it at $480 for 3 day 2 night package, including a $30 delivery charge. Hopefully that would be enough to stave off the jaundice.

First solo trip

(backdated) Today, I wanted to bring Tanya to my sis place to resume our regular Friday visits. So I put her in the sling, early morning, and her daddy dropped us at Macs for breakfast before I headed out to Plaza Singapura. I walked there a while before heading out to my sis's place. At Macs, she was suddenly fussy so I had to breastfeed here there in public. Then at sis's place, she was terribly awake, fighting off sleep.

I'm not surprised really, with her 2 very active cousins and the tv that was always on there. In fact she was awake the whole day there, except for when we sling her to Tiong Bahru Plaza. I tried the whole day to get her to sleep but to no avail. As expected, that night, she was one fussy baby, and would not settle down peacefully to bed. I decided to try going only in the evening next Friday, hopefully cutting down her overstimulation. Hope next friday will be better!

Haywire schedule

Today we expected 2 visitors but neither came =P both rescheduled so we spent an idle day at home. Even lunch was brought to me by my in laws as it was raining. Ming is on course today and tomorrow so will expect him home earlier. Yay!

As if she could understand this, she was in a cheerful mood today. She even managed to sleep on her own in the chair =) hurray for my girl! But all her naps all very short so far. Hoping her current nap will let her be more rested, but not over rested. Haha, we mums worry about everything. Too much sleep, too little sleep, hai. She also feed a lot today. Hopefully she in a growth spurt and not wrecking her schedule.

Tanya's train trip

My mum was free yesterday because it was apparently some US public holiday (11/11). She came by and we went out with Tanya to nearby Plaza Singapura, armed only with the sling. PS I had found out, loaned prams to bubs under 2 years old. Unfortunately, the pram was meant for older toddlers as it was unable to shift from its incline. So we managed with just the sling, and headed to Swensens where we met Ming for lunch. After lunch, we walked around PS while Ming went back to office, and discovered a baby spa! We decided to bring Tanya there for her first haircut =) Wanted to do it there and then, but I thought Ming might want to be there to witness baby's first haircut. Maybe we'll remember to take some photos this time.

We went Mothercare and almost bought some socks for her. They were just too adorable! But I thought of all the booties she hadn't worn yet at home, and how quickly she was already outgrowing some of the clothes, and decided not to buy them. I also managed to eat my first ice cream cone from Andersons since goodness knows when! Belgian Chocolate Chip iirc, yummy!

The sling was really great, and Tanya slept almost throughout the trip, sans lunch, where we put her on a cloth nappy on the seat. I decided to learn to use it more. So today, I tried to carry Tanya out to packet lunch all on my own in a sling. Think I can manage it next time liao. Maybe Friday I will take Tanya to my sis's place?

Mini Misadventure

It was raining all of yesterday. I had intended to collect a package I ordered online from the post office in the morning, but the drizzle kept me away. I thought I could collect during lunch when I went out to ta bao, but it was raining then too. All the way til the evening, the rain finally seemed to give way. So at 4.30pm, I hurried downstairs, baby in pram, as the post office closed at 5pm.

To my dismay, still slight drizzle. But nevermind, I lowered the pram cover and hurried to the post office. All was fine until baby decide to become fussy and cried inconsolably in the pram. She stopped when I carried her so I was quite bewildered. She had slept in the pram on her own previously without any fuss. Stranded, I hovered in the void deck somewhere in between post office and home as I tried to convince baby to settle in the pram. We would move off to the next void deck where she would fuss again and I had to stop again to carry her. Some part of the way, I tried to carry her and maneuver the pram with one hand until finally we got to our own void deck. While waiting for the lift, I carried her. There were 3 other very understanding passengers who helped me hold the door and exit easily.

All in all a great learning experience =)

On a sidenote, I realise that many Singaporeans are actually quite considerate. I noticed this even when I was pregnant, when more often then not, I would get a seat even during peak hour on the notoriously crowded NEL. Now, I notice smokers actually looking out that I'm with a baby and averting their cigarettes or their smoke expelled. People would hold the doors and allow me to enter first if I was carrying the baby. Of course, it doesn't happen all the time. There are still black sheep who would inch in front of me and the pram to get out ahead of us. But perhaps there is marked improvement in graciousness afterall.

Back to Work, Papa

Tomorrow, Ming goes back to work, so once again, I feel the dread of handling the baby, hopefully alone (ie hopefully in laws won't be here). In fact, Ming would likely be unable to take any of the next 2 weeks off :( I especially fear the bottle feeding part. She's still very unstable. Just this morning, she absolutely refused the bottle and had a huge crying fuss over it, that we decided to latch her all today. But tomorrow, there will be just me. I had to prepare formula, feed her, coax her to sleep, pump out my milk to prevent supply loss, then wash out and sterilise all the bottles. Seems like a lot to be done, and phobia if baby doesn't wanna sleep, or take the bottle. In fact, I had never successfully fed Tanya with the bottle yet. So far, it was always Ming doin gthe bottle feeding. We decided to try feeding the expressed breastmilk first, before trying formula. Cross fingers and hope for the best.

On a side note, I'm suffering from very sore nipples. Not sure if baby has nipple confusion and my nipples are paying the price, or that the pump is the cause, or that I'm no longer used to the suction from baby, given the pumping sessions, or the longer latch sessions today (no bottle today). Whatever the reason, it makes it hard for me to carry the baby. Even bathing, I had to avoid the shower spray on the painful area. Hope and pray it will get better soon.

Bottle Battles

Its been a tough week of tears and fears, as we battle with Tanya to feed her formula using bottles. She seems to dislike the rubber teats and had likewise rejected her pacifier. Ming took the week off to help with feedings, coz they say the mum shouldn't feed as the baby will smell the milk on me and refuse the bottle. In fact, I was supposed to stay 20 feet away! Instead I just leave the room lor.

The first feed was met with limited success, as she only consumed about half of the 100ml mixture, after a long, tiring battle with us. The next afternoon, she managed to finish about 60ml so we cheered up. But that night, she totally refused to drink from the bottle, be it formula, or expressed breastmilk so we had to pour it all away (heartache man...)

Eventually we discovered that introducing bottle at night was a bad idea. She was fussy at night and wanted the comfort as much as the milk. But in the morning and afternoon feeds, we were met with more success.

Since Ming had taken the week off, we also made much progress in bringing the baby out, in pram and sling; the furthest being back to my office at Dover. I realised that its quite rare for small babies to be out and about in Singapore, as we get many comments like wah baby so small, or looks like only just man yue (full month) etc. But we weren't the social type and tended to avoid eye contact and this prevented many comments from strangers :)

First Month visit to PD

Yes the dreaded first injection we have to bring Tanya for was yesterday. We took the opportunity to also check on her jaundice level. It was quite heartwrenching for us parents when she cried at the 2 jabs, one on her thigh and the other to draw blood to check her jaundice. 18.5 - very high, and doctor suggested we could status quo, supplement with formula or rent the UV light for home use at $150/day.

This was really bad news for me, and there was no way for me to take it well. I have struggled the past four weeks to finally, more or less successfully breastfeed Tanya, fully latching. Through all the sore nipples and breasts, milk blisters, bleeding, learning the right latch, midnight feedings, patiently defending my choice for total breastfeeding to my in laws, trying to ignore later more subtle comments by them about my supply, I had persisted. Now I have to give it up for formula.

The worst thing about the situation I feel is that I feel so alone in my thoughts. Who else can understand my reluctance to give up breastfeeding, given it wasn't as if it was a ball of fun? Certainly my in laws were more than happy to supplement with formula, afterall they had been advocating it, openly at first, but at my resistance, through muttered breaths and comments to others. Even in the hospital, when one grandparent of a baby had said her child was supplementing due to low supply, my father in law had replied that we too had that problem, that I too had low supply! I was shocked and retorted that of course we didn't! The baby had gained 1kg through 4 weeks, way above the minimum requirement of 100g/week to define a thriving baby!

As much as I was pro-breastfeeding Tanya, I certainly wouldn't insist if I felt my supply was stumping her growth! I think he was surprised at my heated defense then. It certainly came back to bite me when that night we were trying to feed Tanya formula. When he knew of our choice, he commented loudly (so I could overhear) to Ming that "Same as that baby in the hospital lor" - which I interpreted as "I told you so" to me. If it were my parents, I certainly would have retorted at their "sensitivity". Given their my in laws, no choice but to bite the bullet. He was right afterall anyway. Didn't matter that my milk supply was sufficient, there was something else wrong with my milk that we had to supplement.

I tell myself that there's no need to feel inadequate as a mother, that we're doing this for her good, because we are. That there's much more to parenting than breastfeeding, because there was. But this was the one thing I know I can do right by her, that I can surely provide. Guidance, values, discipline etc, those were all so subjective. But once again, what choice do I have? Hopefully, what I'm doing is the best choice for her, and her health will always be my first priority.

Happy First Month!

to be updated

Preparing Tanya's First Month

This week has been fairly busy preparing for Tanya's first month, ordering food and cake for the buffet and first month cakes for colleagues, seeing to arrangements and invites etc. Got some new clothes for her to wear on the day, but her newborn pimples getting quite bad :( When I'm nursing her, I can take my time to see all the pimples and my heart goes out to her! Wonder if they cause her discomfort? Hope they fade soon!

Meanwhile, her night times are still fairly erratic. But hopefully its settling down liao. They say the first 4-6 weeks are the toughest. Cross fingers that its true. Her first month will also mark end of my confinement! Yay!

Music Mobile

Tanya, meet your music mobile. We were surprised she can react to it at such a young age (she's 3 weeks)

Accurate?

Found this while surfing. Dunno leh, doesn't seem to work for me. All her cries sound alike leh... Here are the types of baby cries and its meaning:

1. Pain
A sharp scream, followed by a moment of no breathing, and another sharp scream.

2. Hunger
A low pitched cry that rises and falls with a rhythm. The baby will usually root, suck on his or her hands and can't be calmed down.

3. Fatigue
A soft, rhythmic cry as the baby tries to pacify and go to sleep.

4. Boredom
A fake cry that stops when picked up. Wow, even kids get bored and know tricks!

5. Discomfort
A Whiny sound like the fake cry, but doesn't stop when picked up. Baby usually needs a diaper change or is too hot or cold.

Breastfeeding

Its really strange. Prior to baby's delivery, I have spoken to many people about breastfeeding and understood that it is a real challenge. I've also done much reading up on it to learn what to expect. But really, hearing it from others and reading about it is really different from actually going through it. Even knowing it will be tough, I didn't expect it to be this tough. Feel so tired.

Not sure if its growth spurt or that Tanya just wants a pacifier, but i've been nursing her all day this morning, despite the rough night yesterday. But she is hardly drinking any. Feeling literally drained. Fact that is friday also doesn't help cheer me up much, because I know nursing will still need to be done by me. Hopefully when my parents take over confinement duty, that they at least know how to handle this. Hopefully can sleep better? Hopefully tonight will be back to 2 feedings and no fussing?? When will this get better? Almost one month liao, still really tough.

Reminder to self > Update picture; until now we haven't taken a family photo... weird huh?

Hopes dashed

Hopes that the nightmare nights were over were dashed last night. I daresay it was her worst night yet. Stayed up all night literally from 9ish til morning. The last good sleep I had was after managing to soothe her fussy period at 4+pm. At least previously, I still got some shuteye. It was really tough I felt, as I couldn't nurse properly coz I was so dead tired. After burping, I didn't dare put her down after a few tries caused her to wake again wanting to nurse. So be it nursing or burping, I waltzed in and out of sleep zone. I let her sleep at my chest after burping, and for a while on our bed. I was so tired, I couldn't do anything properly. I was also very thirsty after finishing my cup of water, but I couldn't summon the strength needed to get more water from the kitchen just 10 steps away. Now is 8+ but I can't seem to get back to bed, zombiefied as I am. Being tired and being sleepy was really quite different. If this kind of nightmare nights were to repeat, I will seriously consider throwing in the towel.

Times like this, I start to regret us conceiving her so soon. Yes I must admit this was not the first time I had second thoughts. But when I look at her sometimes, I'm filled with such love and protectiveness like I had never known before. Then I will look back on the regrets and feel guilty for harbouring such thoughts.

2nd PD visit

The days tick by as I count down to the end of my confinement. Its not that I don't appreciate extra help, but all the limitations and living with someone else is quite choking. I didn't realise til now how easy it had been to transition to living with Ming. He was most accomadating in many aspects. Perhaps it is also my emotional instability that makes everything seem so much harder?

I hope the challenging nights have been put away far behind me, and we can move on. These days though, the days too are challenging. Week 2-3 is growth spurt so I try to feed her whenever she shows signs of wanting food, even though she hardly seem to drink at the breast, instead seemingly taking my boob as a pacifier at every hour, as an aid to go to sleep. I didn't realise how very tiring it was, even with the brest friend pillow's aid. Because of this, I barely get chance to eat and shower, much less sleep. After each feeding, she wants to sleep and I will start to fret about her sleepign too much in the day and worrying if she will sleep at night. The night wakes are a nightmare I wish to keep in the past, thank you!

I have a few sources of experience I turn to for advise, like my sister (2 yo), Shan (1 yo), Fran (8 month old), my cousin Audrey (1+ yo), Fennie (9 month old) too but she in HK. One of the most common advise would be to appreciate her while she is so young, because they grow up so fast. I have heard this many times, but it is really hard to do it when you are struggling to keep your mood up. Nonetheless, I do feel moved when I see her sleepy (gassy) smile, or when she locks eyes with me. I keep trying to catch a picture of such moments but they come and go so quickly.

We went to the PD again, to consult about her persistent jaudince, only to be chased home, wallets emptier, just told to monitor her til she's about 6 weeks. If things don't improve by then, the doc will do a blood test on her. At the clinic, I saw a week old baby, and I thought of when Tanya came in the first time. Was she really that small too? Her weight had been recorded as at about 3.2kg then, now it was 3.7kg. Hope her jaundice fades by then

2nd weekend

Tanya's 2nd weekend at home was pretty challenging for us. The nights were a repeat of the sleepless night we had earlier :( My parents came and commented that baby still very "yellow" (jaundiced). So we'll be seeing Dr S Ng again the coming week. Also will be busy arranging all the stuff for baby's first month

Weekend!

Its 6.30pm, Friday. Counting down to Ming coming home and start of weekend! Today is not so good because baby slept all day. Really worried her clock will revert back to night wakes! I hope not! Still trying to wake her up after her feeding.

Weekends are good. In laws will take a break and my parents will be over instead. Best of all, Ming will be around all day :) Still I don't hope that her clock will revert lor. Now finding ways to wake my sleepy baby

Its been 2 weeks

Finally! I'm halfway through confinement! I honestly can't wait to regain my freedom after my confinement. Perhaps I'm too idealistic, as I had been before I had given birth. I had not thought it would be so tough trying to bring up the baby the way I wanted then. Now I know and try to be more flexible. Likewise, maybe I will regret not having the extra pairs of hands once confinement is over. But maybe she will be easier to handle once she's older too? Well, there's always hope :)

Last 2 nights were good. I only woke up twice a night for nursing. As compared to nights before that where I had to stay up all night. Maybe we managed to switch her clock to our day-night cycle already. So now the days are slightly tougher. Previously, she was able to fall asleep quite easily after a feed. Now she stays awake, which was great coz we got to play with her. But after that when she needs to be put to sleep, thats where the problem comes in. I didin't realise it was so hard for an infant to sleep, without either nursing her to sleep or rocking her into deep slumber. Nonetheless, I was relieved by the fact it was happening in the day time and not the night.

Nursing periods haven't really gotten any shorter either, despite my best hopes. But I managed to find some nice anime (Vampire Knight and Time of Eve) to accompany me while my baby was feeding. Only the night time I couldn't watch the anime when nursing as I was not supposed to over stimulate her. Things are looking up and I haven't broken down since she'd shifted her clock :)

Week 2 - Ming starts work

Today Ming starts work and he's been such a big help and source of support to me that since last night, I've been having seperation anxiety. Nights are really bad now. i suspect my milk flow isn't enough for the girl because she keeps waking up for more. Midnight to 3am, I'll stay awake trying my best to give her the nourishment she craves. But spirit is willing yet flesh is weak. It breaks my heart to hear her frustrated cries as she tries to suckle from me. Added on the frustration of tiredness and the worry that Ming needs his sleep for work tomorrow, I really tither on the brink of depression. I keep asking him to go ahead and sleep, afterall him being awake will not help my flow much. I hope he will be able to do ok in work today and not fall sick or anything!

The past week had been really crazy and now then I get the time to come online to do anything at all. I should be sleeping I know, coz baby will be wanting her milk soon. So I'll just post up a little bit of updates and leave the rest for another day. Hopefully the day will come soon that I will not feel so inadequately prepared for motherhood.

First week and PD visit

First week at home was a huge transition for us. Firstly, no more checking baby into the nursery if we cannot manage hahaha. You wouldn't believe how useful that can be. Another thing I realised in retrospect is that the first 2 days was probably the easiest days. Can't speak for all babies but Tanya started her night appetite just at the end of the first week. I could be up from 11pm to 3am feeding her but she would not be satisfied enough to sleep. Last night I was up til 5am. I'm not sure if the problem lies with a low supply at night or her ravenous hunger. Or was it that she didn't want to feed at all? I cannot decipher her cryptic cries despite many articles assuring me that i will "eventually" learn to decipher them. When I asked around, many mother stsill couldn't decipher their baby's cries.

But one thing I realised, no matter how much sleep I get in the day, it couldn't make up for the loss in the night. At night, I am tired and frustrated when feeding her. Sometimes as she fell asleep at my boob, I too would doze off then suddenly wake up fearing I would drop her. Wonder if that has anything to do with her restlessness too?

Oh yes and breastfeeding was most tiring on my weak arm muscles (the lack-thereof) too. Shan came by and suggested the breastfeeding pillow. That day itself, Ming popped by to help me buy one. I have to say, it helps leaps and bounds, although it could be better, like if it could totally support her. haha ok I know I asking too much :P

We also had to bring Tanya out twice in the first week. Once for her PD visit. Look at her happily sleeping while we took her weight :) The other was for my gynea visit at Mount Elizabeth where we also wanted to register her birth. The outings went very smoothly. The PD visit she was sleeping most of the way, while at Mount E, she was feeding most of it. Thank heavens for discreet nursing clothes and bras!

Birth Story

I'm blogging this on day 12th of Tanya's birth so details may seem a bit fuzzy. Let's see, cramps had been coming and going ever since 1st October. By 2nd, it was starting to get a bit more painful so when Ming came home,I asked him to time it. He thought it seemed dangerously close but it still seemed like my menses cramps to me ( I get bad cramps sometimes ) so we headed to his parents place for dinner. Dinner was quite a painful affair as I had to pause each time the cramps came. So we decided that maybe we should be admitted tonight.

We packed and set off for hospital after finishing the silly cop show I was following. I was quite worried that Ming might be too anxious so I kept asking him to drive slowly. A steady car actually was better than speed and a bumpy ride in my condition then. It had been some time since Ming driven to Mt Alvernia and he took a wrong turn so we did a brief detour.

On arrival, the normal registration counter was closed so we had to be admitted through 24 hour A&E. I was put in the delivery ward while Ming handled administration. One of the senior nurses checked my dilation and it was at 2.5cm. It was damn bloody shockingly painful as it was the first time I had my cervix checked, and she didn't even bother to warn me about it. I bled quite a bit after that so I was busy cursing the nurse. I know she was rough because some time later, another nurse's check didn't hurt quite that much. After confirming I was actually in labour, I was given some laxative and strapped to CTG. After some time, the nurses came in to say my labour wasn't really progressing, so I should get some sleep. So I was taken off the CTG and tried to sleep through the cramps. Ming had a miserable chair in a corner to sleep too. Pain was bad and I asked for some form of relief. I was given the gas mask which in the end, I didn't take anyway.

At about 5+am, my dilation was only 3cm. So under doctor's orders I was placed on IV drip of Syntocinon to speed up dilation. Yes, at 0.5cm after 5 hours, I cannot imagine how long I would have had to wait otherwise. I also inquired about Epidural and I was told if I wanted it, I should tell them soon, because it happened one of the doctors was coming to administer it to a few other women. So I opted in. The epidural administraion was about 6am and was kind of annoying, as I expected (from stories). I was asked to curl into a tight ball which seemed impossible with my huge belly. But eventually it got done, and I cheered up quickly as the pain subsided. Fortunately too, as Ming reported later that the cramps were off the CTG charts.

At about 7.30am, Dr Wee walked cheerily in and checked my dilation. This time, it didn't hurt at all, thanks to the epidural. She was happy with my progress as dilation achieved about 7-8cm and at the peak of the contractions, almost 9+cm. Unfortunately, my baby's head was too high to start labour. So we had to wait for baby to descend and Dr Wee reduced my Epidural so I could assist in pushing. She and Ming went off to have a quick breakfast while I tried to coax baby to lower. Eventually when she came back, did some checks and decided to deliver the baby then. It was kinda scary coz the moment she announced start work, and the nurses started dressing up in their gloves and all and started to close in on me.

The pushing was really tough because I couldn't really feel the contractions. Before the delivery started, I could only vaguely feel the contractions at their most peak. But during delivery, cannot feel leh. So I had only their prompts to go by. Inistially, I tried to push hard as I breathed out slowly, but the nurses and doctor told me cannot, had to hold breath :( After about 3 pushes breathing out, I caved and pushed with my breath held. Think it took another 4 pushes? It was really hard to push not feeling anything, but doctor said nothing wrong with my pushing. Just that baby was facing skyward (they should face ground for easier delivery) so no choice I had to push with all my might. When finally the baby was out, I was more nauseous than anything. Doctor told me was normal due to some drug they administered (yes, I was a pin cushion of drugs, until I didn't even know what drugs I was on; my IV drip had multiple sources of fluids, while the epidural was still being administered to my back). As Ming and the nurses checked the baby etc, all I could do was try not to barf, and of course feel very relieved its all over. I reported that I'm stopping at one. Doctor laughed and assured Ming that all the mothers said that during labour :)

I was allowed another hour to rest in the delivery ward before being pushed to my ward. We were told that they were full house, both the delivery wards and all the single wards were taken, so we had to be placed temporarily in a double ward. As I was being wheeled to my ward after being unglamourously hefted out of the delivery ward, one of the single rooms was made available so we managed to grab it. Ward 327, St John's Ward and Our Lady's. So we were pretty lucky to manage to grab it.

Officially Overdue

Some gross (bloody) writings ahead. warning: do not read this if u have a weak stomach or are unready for what motherhood means










Its 2nd Oct, and baby Tanya is officially late. Logged in to see what my ticker would say. One of them says, "I should be here!" LOLx... the other is stuck at 1 day to go! haha

Anyway, couple days ago, just after I last posted, I have the first signs of show. The first sign of show was a transparent mucous, subsequently it became quite tainted with blood, varying from red to brown til today. So its panty liners for me, after 9 months. haha took me a while to dig them out! Along with the pads, came the cramps. The cursed, oh so familiar pain. It had kept me up the last 2 nights as I struggle to find some comfort. Even if Tanya is not inclined to show, I'm starting to be tempted to induce.

These 'false' contractions are described in my notes as 'mild' cramps. Geez, I shudder to think what the painful full blown cramps will be like. I thank medical sciences for the discovery of epidural! Anyway, what all this means, is that she's probably gonna be out any time the next week. But I'm guessing if i'm not in hospital by saturday, my next appointment, probably inducing is the way to go? Dolly will be checking for my dilation then. Let's see what she recommends.

I recall that the show started couple days after I started taking the red raspberry leaf tea, recommended to preggies for its labour-shortening ability. I also read that it induces labour. Now I'm starting to wonder if that is the cause for all the cramping. I have been taking a cup a day, in fairly dilute proportions, but decided to stop today and tomorrow to see if the cramps subside a bit. X-fingers.

Its tomorrow!

Wow! I just logged in to post up this article link on Breastfeeding 'cuts cancer risk' and i see the ticker saying one more day! haha then it hits me, its tomorrow! haha but estimated only lah. gynea gives me until 10th Oct latest. Saturday she will check me for dilation, then must see her every 3 days from then. Hai, after EDD, risk starts to increase and every visit must do the costly CTG scan. She trying to pressure me into accepting induction is it?? Really hope Tanya decides to show on her own, dun nid to induce. Induction increases the chance of emergency c-section leh! i hoping to avoid that leh... :(

Anyway, this morning, as I suffer from insomnia, tossing and turning in bed, I finally thought things through and realised I am ready. After so long of feeling unready for motherhood, it is a relief to finally feel ready :) so strange for it to happen the day before my EDD, but truly, I thank God for it.

3 days to go

and i'm starting to panic, realising all the things that remain undone. have i really prepared everthing already? haven't unwrapped the cot mattress to put the mattress cover + pillow and bolster covers, have not hung up the mosquito net, have not set up the change table... but i guess all this can only be done after i discharge with Tanya right?

and the insane heat is not helping! i feel like i'm melting through every pore in my body :(

"7 Days to go"

My ticker is making me more gancheong. haha yup is 7 days to my estimated delivery date. From the forum and some people around me, already people have delivered babies estimated to be due after mine. But baby Tanya shows no sign of wanting to leave her warm womb yet. Today I tested the mothercare steriliser. Need to find space to put all the bottles and stuff liao. Also tested the configuration of the bedroom with the cot on my side. Very tough leh. Once the cot is there, hard to access the wardrobe unless I don't leave walking space between cot and bed. Must find a better configuration.

Baby cot and bently moment

We finally got around to fixing up the baby cot over the weekend. It was certainly much harder than it looked, but it didn't take too long and now the cot, bumper, quilt and stand for the mozzie net are all done up. just need another wash then ready for baby liao.

and dr dolly again ask me if wanna induce today during the gynea visit. hai, coz i din really feel tanya moving much leh. she say if baby not active, mabbe not getting enuf nutrients le :( must induce if CTG scan shows abnormality. so i promised her i will monitor baby movement lor. next visit mabbe must do the CTG liao, if she's no action yet. if CTG not good, means must check for dilation and induce liao. i asked her if it was due to my fall last weekend, but she say no.

hai i fell last weekend too and scrapped my knee badly. all coz i had my eyes on a bently cab lor haha.. 1st time see before mah. hai so damn embarrassing. i hope no infection else scared affect baby oso. seems everything coming to a close liao. definitely will see baby tanya in a couple week's time. scary. i still dun feel ready leh...

Week 38 checkup

Today Tanya turns 38 weeks. According to Dolly, she's about 29cm and 3kg. Any time i wanna deliver can choose to induce liao. Placenta is doing well, no signs of 'aging' that might force me to induce. but if baby too big, will be harder to deliver and her poo might leak into waterbag. So all the cards laid on the table for us to decide. At max, she recommends waiting til 41 weeks. I heard inducing is painful too, so I also hoping for the best.

The legislation

wah, now must see my comapny's "face" liao...

The amendments to the Children's Development Act went for first reading in Parliament yesterday. Here's a summary of the amendments to the legislation that affect us:

1. Date for new legislation to come into effect is 31 Oct 2008. It is stated that the benefits are compulsory for those who delivered on or after 31 Oct & those whose EDD is on or after 31 Oct but delivered early.

2. Government will pay their share for employers who gave the benefits to those who delivered in the period 17 Aug - 30 Oct but EDD is not on or after 31 Oct & those whose EDD is between 17 Aug-30 Oct.

3. Childcare leave will be included in the act after the amendments. No longer just under employment act. But this year is pro-rate to total of 3 days. Note that the total no of childcare leave per eligible child cannot exceed 42 days (i.e. 7 x 6 days).

16 days to go??

can't believe my counter says that...haha nervous. anyway this is what i came across from babycenter. :( X-fingers and hope and pray for smooth, natural delivery!:

Older moms-to-be more likely to have c-sections

Fri, Jul 25, 2008 (Reuters Health) — The increase in the rates of cesarean sections reported by many countries appears to be associated, in part, with more and more women deciding to have children later in life, according to a report in the current issue of PLoS Medicine.

In the study, laboratory testing showed that as maternal age increases, the ability of the smooth muscle of the uterus to contract slows down, which is thought to slow the progression of labor, thereby increasing the likelihood of c-section.

"These findings clearly indicate that the association between advanced age and poor outcome in labor is likely to reflect a biological effect of aging on the uterus," lead author Dr. Gordon C. S. Smith, from Cambridge University in the UK, said in a statement.

Smith and colleagues base their conclusions on an analysis of data from 583,843 women entered into a Scottish database from 1980 to 2005.

During the full study period, the proportion of women having their first birth at 30 to 34 years of age increased threefold, the proportion of women 35 to 39 years old increased sevenfold, and the proportion of women 40 years of age and older increased tenfold.

During that period, the overall c-section rates more than doubled. For each 5-year increase in a woman's age, after the age of 16 years, the odds of c-section rose by 49 percent, the investigators report. In addition, with each 5-year interval, the duration of labor rose by 30 minutes.

The authors estimate that if no change in the age distribution had occurred during the study period, 38 percent of the increase in c-sections would have been avoided.

Laboratory testing was performed on muscle tissue from the lining of the uterus of 62 women who had planned to have a c-section. As noted, with increasing maternal age, irregular uterine muscle activity increased as well.

"As more women delay childbirth, it is essential that we fully understand the effects of age on childbirth if we are to impact on rising rates of intervention in pregnancy," Smith emphasized.

-- Reuters

Final week

This should be my final week reporting to work. By next week, I will be in my 38.5 week, so will be taking some leave before my EDD to stay home. Already, my tummy is frightfully huge (according to ppl's comments) and hanging quite low. Wednesday I'm due to see Dolly again for my now weekly checkup. So very few more real working days. Over the weekend, we finally managed to see all the laundry done, in preperation to pack for the hospital bag and her pending arrival.

Strangely, my boss sms me last night to ask me come in early for a section meeting at 8.15am this morning. My first reaction was to scratch my head, since I'm already counting down the days to my long break. But ok lor, haha since she thinks my contribution is so important I had to attend the meeting, and since I am still afterall drawing their pay today, I reported in early today for the meeting.

A friend commented that my pregnancy seemed tough from my blog, and this caught me by surprise. I'm actually quite thankful my pregnancy went on relatively smoothly thus far. I experienced minimal morning sickness, and only a bit (less than 5 times) of the notorious calf cramps. No instability like bleeding, etc thank Heavens. Aside from the cursed PUPPPS, which was under control for a while by pills. I have to say, it came back after i stopped the pills a number of days. So I'm back to taking them until I deliver. I have to say though, the pregnancy was smooth enough for me not to fear the next pregnancy. Can't say the same about the labour though! Already I'm fearing the labour, and whether I will need emergency c-sect, and what kind of torture recovery might be, esp if i'm given a needy newborn. But all those things are quite beyond my control now. So will just have to hope for the best =)

Full Term - the final leg

Week 37 marks baby Tanya's full term. This means that should she decide to pop by to say Hi to all of us early, she can survive pretty well on her own without needing intensive or additional care compared to any other new born. It also means I'm now seeing the gynea on a weekly basis. There's really nothing much to be done but for us to await her pending arrival. Update from gynea is that she is head down but yet to engage. This of course gives us a huge reminder to faster finish all the stuff we have yet to do, eg set up the cot, wash her clothes and towels and blankets (still undone at week 37). But of course, if history (from my mum and sis) is anything to go by, Tanya may just come by 2 weeks late. Both my sis' boys were delivered in their42nd week, in fact, the firstborn had to be induce when he showed no sign of wanting to leave the womb even at 42 weeks. hehe... me and my sis were late too, preferring to stay in our mummy's tummy longer. So can't help but suspect Tanya might decide to do the same. Hope she decides to come by on her own before 42 weeks though, as I would prefer not to induce. and pls pls, no C-section, can? X-fingers...

Week 36

In a blink of an eye, I'm one week short of full term. The pending labour is definitely more real now and becoming more scary. At the same time, I'm also counting down to my rest time at home =) can't wait for that to start for sure.

Mid autumn festival happens in a couple of weeks. Already we have consumed more than one box of mooncakes. Inevitable given my crazy snack cravings. My home is now stocked with cookies and chocolates from Marks and Spencer or Royce and even durian cakes, and of course mooncakes. This year was the most mooncakes we ever bought. 5 boxes in total, 3 are traditional, 2 are snowskin durian mooncakes. Of course some were given to both side parents. This is also the first time we bought durian mooncakes; but bo pian lor. Once I tried the yummy durian paste, I just couldn't resist :( I've also pigged out many times on fast food and restaurants, given our soon to be limited couple dating time. Even indulged a few times on taboo food like coffee and sashimi :( I really hope baby Tanya only absorbs the good stuff!

UpLIFTing news

haha ok, lame pun i know, but finally, over last week, the much anticipated additional new lift at my block was completed. Yay! no more trudging up the steps with me 10kg tummy ;P We tested the new lift a few times over the weekend. Seems fairly safe and stable haha... looking forward to the rest of the lifts being upgraded to stop at every floor, hopefully in time for when Tanya arrives. Then next time we'll have an easier time bringing her out with a pram.

Power of the Net

although maybe not the way PM Lee had expected? For those not expecting, you may not be following this as closely, so I will sketch out the timeline.

17th Aug 8pm: PM Lee made his National Day rally speech. Already, gossipvine of the net already had leaked some of the benefits and 'reliable sources' saying that the benefits start 1st Jan 2009. But many mothers-to-be secretly harboured hope otherwise.

18th Aug 8pm: Benefits were announced as rally was telecasted; and the gossipvine of the net was assessed to be fairly accurate. Mothers-to-be still bore hope that implementation date would be earlier.

20th Aug 1pm: Wong KS announced the detailed plan and yes, implementation date was 1st Jan 2009. This sparked much comment online and within hours, a physical petition was drawn up and about 200 names + NRIC numbers were gathered in time for a Meet-the-People's session at AMK (wonder who's GRC is it ;P). Aside from that, groups were set up all over the place, like facebook, online petitions, and in many many forum threads.

21st Aug: WKS gave some reason on Today papers for the implementation date to be 1st Jan. This sparked much debate in the forums, and many responses started flooding in as people analysed the package from head to toe. Petition names more than doubled. Suggestions of demonstrations were rife.

21st Aug 8+pm: Announcement that benefits will be backdated about only 30 hours after the implementation date had been announced.

My views: Okay, since the government decided to backdate the benefits, I will reserve my negative comments; which I didn't do at the many forums I suddenly signed up yesterday when I posted my comments fairly liberally. I guess this shows that our government is indeed open to changes and the public opinion (more so than previously). More importantly, I guess I feel that their flexibility and speed of action was a bit surprising to me. Did I think the petition would work? Well, honestly, no really. Maybe only 70% haha. But i suspect the MTPS increased that % somewhat. I think the change came about mainly coz of other reasons that netizens managed to dig out. Unless our crafty government had this planned all the while up their sleeve, like some netizens suggested. But somehow, I doubt it =) Nonetheless, it is good news for many. Cheers for all who made it possible.

bitter dissapointment

as the news was announced today.

Many mothers-to-be from the forum, like me, waited impatiently for the announcement today. And as expected, against all our desperate hopes, the implementation date was announced as 1st Jan 2009. I do not understand the rationale for the implementation date. I certainly do not see any advantages in it except to disappoint the many parents-to-be who were delighted at the news during the rally, only to be crushed now? By announcing the benefits so soon and then setting the implementation date so late, it will surely leave many parents-to-be feeling shortchanged. Furthermore, in the past, the policy had been backdated to include those who had qualified at the timeof the announcemnt. All the more, the expectation that we would be included in the benefits. Now, not only do we not qualify for the extra maternity leave, even the baby bonus has eluded us.

calm after the storm

Finally the course review is over! I'm anticipating much more peaceful time from now until my maternity leave =) although will be busy marking hundreds of scripts as they come in during the xam period but this is something known and predictable. Much easier to handle than the unknown and uncertainty of the course review.

On the motherhood forums, rumour is rife with regards to the rally announcements. some say that it will only be applicable to 2009 mothers :( so sad. more rumours was 4th flexi month maternity leave and 6 day paternity leave. it is also said there are no fixed details at the rally, but instead will wait for finalised announcements later by wong kan seng. wow if really 4th maternity month how nice that will be! i can save up one whole month of unpaid leave! although my pay is quite miserable but one month worth of pay can still pay for alot of diapers man! haha. anyway nothing seem confirmed at this stage so will have to wait for tonight ba. also if the rumours are to be believed then still must wait for further announcements. and mightnot qualify for the benefits for this child anyway. nonetheless, all the mothers-to-be are keeping our fingers crossed =)

And its a silver

Mildly disappointed (although pretty much expected) with the Olympic results; but at least Tianwei and Jiawei provided some semblance of resistance ;P also mildy disappointed at the delay of the PM's telecast. Don't understand why must delay by a full 24 hours; or at least let the news still report the highlights of the rally lor. Ah well, guess just have to be patient and wait.

Yesterday was a painful day for me, as for the first time in a while, I suffered from terrible migraine, which caused me to cold sweat the whole later half of the day. Was really strange coz the day started beautifully with a nice breezy morning at the Canopy Cafe overlooking MBGC. Dunno what caused it also leh. Maybe is to do with iron deficiency? I made sure I popped my iron supplements just in case. I think I also better start on more cooling foods.

Think I starting to get very heaty already. With all the chocolates I been consuming lately though, its no wonder :( like the 2 famous amos soft cookies i had recently, pigged out at one sitting or the many of my favourite royce baton cookies from Taka today after visiting the baby fair. bought some glass bottles and wash cloths for the baby from there as well. Its just a few more weeks to go!

First Olympic Medal

Yesterday evening was an exciting time for my family and I'm sure many other Singaporeans too. Just after 5.30pm, Singapore table tennis team beat the Korean team, securing us either a Gold or Silver medal in the Olympics, the first Olympic medal since independence. I only managed to catch the final match where Tianwei defeated the Korean player and was a really fun and exciting match for all of us viewing as we lamented and cheered in unison. In the evening, there was a replay on Channel 5 so me and Ming caught it again. Of course by then, China had defeated Hong Kong, hugely decreasing our chance of getting a Gold, but hey Silver isn't half bad ya? After many letdowns, I really hadn't thought we might actually score a medal this Olympics. Guess 2008 is a good year for us all =)

The finals will be played on Channel U LIVE! at 7.30pm :( This unfortunately means that it will surely clash with PM Lee's National Day Rally speech this year, which will resume at 8pm after a break. Although the clash is very annoying, it really isn't much of a dilemma which to watch. Of course live action more important! Who wanna watch the match after the results are out already? But maybe it will be a brief match...? But haha... brief match may not bode well for us right? Best hope for a decent fight...!

The course review

Week 33 sees me smack in the middle of course review. We had the first session on Monday so I was busy coordinating with the graduates on their return and subsequent interview with the panel. The rest of the week saw us scrambling to formulate responses to their arbitrary questions and feedback. It really lame how we have to labour hours over a question that may just have popped into one of the panel's head. I wonder how much detail they will remember next monday when they come back for our responses.

After the first review, I had to set up Facebook groups for all the past graduates so my boss could easily reach out to them. Until now, the groups remain embarrassingly scarce. How do I reach out to these graduates 90+% of whom I do not teach?? I was also tasked to formulate response for a question which had me editing the syllabus for a new module I am still clueless about. Anyway I finally edited the syllabus after much references to what actually is taught in other such modules, then I carefully formulated a response.

Anyway yesterday evening saw our whole team in a 4 over hour agonisingly long (and hungry) meeting as we deliberated over each and every question and response given. Unfortunately, my question had totally changed... -_-"" so the work almost went down the drain, but we managed to salvage some of it for use in other parts of the review panel's questions. I reached home almost 9pm, hungry and grouchy, but mostly sore at my boss. 4 over hour deliberating over 9 questions with answers we had already painstakingly formulated? Geez and the students only get 2 hours to finish their exam papers...Let's just see how it goes next Monday...

True nature and Sacrifice

I'm blogging about my 32nd week at 3.32am. Yup, insomnia again. Guess panda eyes are another price to pay for pregnancy. No wonder even my gynea says being pregnant, its a sacrifice. Fortunately, I feel I get a lot of support from my family. I'm also recently learning that friends are another matter. Surprisingly, some friends are really quite not understanding about the whole motherhood and pregnancy thing. Worst thing is when they complain behind my back about half truths. But never mind lor, at least I know how they feel now. I must admit I was quite disappointed and bitter to hear it at first. But I'll deal with it. Guess tough times show true friends. are loss of false friends also a sacrifice?

Week 31 updates

I'm into August and due for my next gynea visit. The last visit had been unscheduled so I will need to pay for it later when I see her. Yes, last round I didn't have enough cash, not anticipating that it would cost so much. And the silly clinic only accepts cash or cheque. No choice coz of the darn PUPPPS. Update is that its still itching. The specialist in NSC said I should use the steroid cream and antihistamine pills so he had prescribed me some more :(

Today will go see Dolly again then see what she says. Last week had been fairly uneventful. Went for movie, Mummy - undead type, not my this type. Ok lah, find it so-so only, effects good lor, script lackluster. The antenatal class last Saturday focussed totally on breastfeeding and I found it very useful. One of the best sessions in fact. Perhaps also coz they got a different instructor coz i swapped for the 1.30pm class instead of the 4pm class. Think next lesson I will also do a swap. Anyway that day I will need to go meet the NUS gang for dinner, so 4-6pm isn't exactly the best timing for the class. Also went for Isaac's birthday gathering yesterday. Hai party food is so not good for me haha, and i overloaded on Coke i think. The oreo cheesecake from Bakerzin was good though, but felt $75 for it was a tad expensive. But I felt the Choc Amer we had was better.

Another week over

Last 2 antenatal classes covered labour process, pains, options and breathing. Can't help but wonder how much of that can I remember while thrashing in the throes of pain...?

After the class, we drove to East Coast where Lynn was celebrating her 30th birthday. Its been a while since I've been to east coast, much less a chalet. It certainly has changed a lot. And boy was it crowded! There was no place to park and we had to park at the cornermost parking lot. Didn't have a lot of the BBQ stuff but was quite fun catching up with the SC girls, some of whom I haven't met in over a decade! geez, am I old... haha... Genieve was there and she was already expecting her 2nd child a couple of weeks later. She is also going to Mt Alvernia! Yet her belly looked about the size of my 2nd trimester! So sad :(

Shan and Bel were most fascinated by my 1% of pregnancy syndrome so we three girls hid in the bathroom while I showed them my pregnancy battle scars :( I hate to admit it, but i have been unsuccessful in controlling its spread. Some are appearing on my thighs. At this rate, by the time I deliver, I will be a walking PUPPPS person. So I finally decided to go see a specialist. Monday will get referrel from clinic. Wish me luck.

Hellboy 2

I managed to catch this over the weekend. Considered blogging it together with the earlier post but the again, din wanna disrupt these comments with all my whining about PUPPPS ;P but I think t did affect my mood watching the movie, coz I din really enjoy the movie leh. :( Tanya seemed to like it though (I hope it was like and not scared by it!) and was quite excited sometimes in the movie! heehee... was cute feeling her move during some of the more action-packed scenes.

This was quite a sinful, indulgent weekend as my poor hubby tried to distract me from the annoying, intermittent itching. We had bacon, eggs and waffles for breakfast, fresh Famous Amos cookies, Long John's Silver during lunch, chocolates for tea break and now awaiting my dinner. Yesterday was no better, with me indulging in 3 apple strudels... :( I'm sure this will all show in my next gynae visit...

Suffering Weekend

Its been quite a torturous weekend as we struggle with the effect of PUPPPS. (I say we because where I feel the discomfort, inevitably, the "joy" gets shared) I wish I could say I managed not to scratch but I really couldn't help myself. Some afternoons, it feels like I'll go insane. I learnt quickly some of the clothes that make me go crazy (STAY OFF that damn scratchy blue dress you dolt!).

I really wonder how I will survive the upcoming weeks, especially when I'm in office, unable to apply any salve on the itchy red bumps. My sis chanced upon this website on PUPPPS, so I'm sharing it in case any soul out there as unlucky as me happen to chance upon this website. I can't personally comment on any of the solutions there as I haven't tried any of them. Not because I don't want to, mind you, but most of the stuff are not available here. Except Tiger Balm, but I'm praying not to try that. When the PUPPPS is itchy, its real damn tempting. But when its not, the bumps are pretty damn painful, having suffered from the scratching of the thin, broken skin. I cannot imagine the pain Tiger Balm will inflict such cases.

To survive the weekend, I applied mostly icy cold calamine lotion and for the worse itches, I think I might soon empty my Desitin Creamy, meant for my child's diaper rash. But supposedly I should minimise calamine as its drying, and drying also itches the skin. Oxymoron, isn't it? Will pop by a pharmacy to look for an alternative to the calamine. I think I need some solution for office. I really cannot imagine coping with this itch in office. Let's see how things go next week. If need be, I might have to seek out a dermatologist for help. But I fear that steroids will be prescribed. I'm really hoping not to go down that path. Probably I will hunt down more pharmacies to try and find those treatments listed on Naomi's page. Hopefully can stumble across some of them.

MENTAL

The itching is driving me up the wall! It ebbs and wanes, and so sometimes I'm convinced I can take the itch. But then when it gets bad like now, I just want to gnaw on my fingers to prevent them from going to my tummy :( How am I to survive the rest of the 10 over weeks before delivery? And Dolly mentioned that it doesn't disappear until couple weeks after delivery :( Most PUPPPS only start week 35. I just feel so darn suay (unlucky) boo hoo... mind over body mind over body!!!

part of 1%

I've made an appointment to see Dolly today after lessons. Really cannot take the rash liao. Better get it looked at by her. Maybe can also ask about the vertigo episode i had. That day when sleeping, i suddenly felt very giddy and spinning. Wanna move but cannot. Scary. Was an expensive visit, since they count as unscheduled and the steroid cream and pills they gave me din help much. anyway i was diagnosed with PUPPPS, which affects <1% pregnancy :( how come dio Toto not so zun leh? haha..but trying to avoid the steroid cream if possible.

Today me and a frend was chatting about schools. hahah damn KS right? Baby just in her 3rd trimester leh. Aiyah yesterday lor. the papers listed schools that need balloting. anyway it was interesting analysing which schools should try for haha

Raw Red Rashes

Hai, 3rd trimester brings its own onset of problems. My belly now very itchy, I'm restraining myself from scracthing out stretchmarks even as I blog. I suspect is the office aircon too drying liao. haha tempted to take photo of the rashes but hai dun wanna turn myself off haha. i'm wondering if i should stop my stretchmark cream or am i supposed to put more or use some other cream or what? dunno why all my funny symptoms erupt after I'd seen the gynae! now must wait another few weeks before i can ask Dr Dolly. Hai ya wish i can faster go home and apply cream!!

Week 28 aka 3rd trimester

I'm into my final run, third and final trimester. Again uncertainties gnaw at me, am i ready for the baby? have we got all the stuff the baby needs? what is labour going to be like? what will life be lke after the baby is here, esp the first few months? am i able to breastfeed the baby? In the antenatal class we attended, even the nutritionist was very pro-breastfeeding. Also, we have not signed up for any cord blood banking. Should we...?

Work-wise, just when I thought it was easing, suddenly it piles up again. This time round is the really wu liao mundane job of printing and stapling the survey forms. After that I would need to assess which graduates gave good review and call to invite them back for the course review. (Although I really wonder who would take leave just to come back and answer questions for an hour or so? ok i know i'm repeating myself...) Guess I won't have any relief until after the course review in August. But then the term would be over, and I would be doing much marking and grading and moderation. But i think reprieve will surely come in Sept. By then I will be almost due. Its quite scary really.

I'm now really sleepy in office, after lunch. Wish I could doze off haha..

Antenatal Class

Last weekend we went for our first antenatal class at Mount Alvernia. The first class was on nutrition, so nothing vry much I hadn't already known or fund out. But I did find out why birds nest was so good =) but still haha, doesn't warrant the price i feel. But i guess once a week still ok ba? Next class will be this coming Saturday. This time we're learning some eercises. Must remembr to wear track pants type... Also went to see gynae and was assured of mine and baby's health. Dolly estimated Baby Tanya at about 900g. Next visit in Aug, will be doing the iron test. Better start religiously taking those little yellow pills! We're now hunting down a chinese name for her. Surely much harder than finding English name. =)

Over the weekend, managed to meet up with the girls. Had a nice time catching up, and playing with Fran's baby Michael. Too bad I can't really handle him or any young child (even my nephews were banned from playign with me coz of my big tummy). Ah well, only 80+ days left to EDD. One of my friends also getting married in Dec. Estimated Tanya i'll only be 2 month old then. Wonder if I can make it for the wedding... Surely be tough if i manage to breastfeed

We also managed to catch Hancock. Which was good. With all my moodswings (or mabbe should say low moods since it hardly seem to swing upwards), I was itching for a good laugh. Movie didn't disappoint but i felt was a little too short leh.

After the outing, I was pretty tired out and had to take urgent leave on Monday. When I went back to work, I was met with a lot of unplesantness. Blame pushed on m just because I missed one day's work? Then push me to contact graduates to come back for course review. goodness, who will take leave just to come back to school for an hour and answer some lame questions?? Need to list out by friday... geez, good luck to me man :(

27th week

Feeling quite tired but accomplished. I hope my busy period is about over, even though school has started. But with the BOS meeting over, the new option has been approved, so it should be out of my hands now. The graduate survey analysis is also due this friday, I'm almost done with it so, I should be more free once next week turdges along. Exam questions have also been set, now just await some amendments post moderation. So work-wise, I hope things are settling down.

Baby-wise, I will start my Mt Alvernia classes tomorrow evening. We opted for weekend classes despite the slight price difference, because Ming can't make it for the weekday classes, but the first lesson is on a weekday. So tmorrow, he has to take leave ;P I can simply leave form office. This Saturday we will start the breastfeeding classes. So next few weekends should be quite packed.

We've also decided on baby's name =) She's getting a bit more active now, and I can clearly feel her movement, whereas previously I was always dubious if it was movement or my imagination. Tummy is also bigger now. Probably can take the photos soon =)

A rose by any other name...

will smell as sweet; or so they say. Nevertheless, Ming and I still heartache over what name to call our baby. It will afterall, stay with her for the rest of her life, for better or for worse. But if my temperament these days is anything to go by, I should be naming her Oscar the grouch. I'm really not sure where I heard that pregnant women were supposed to be always happy and thats why we get post-natal blues, when the endorphins dip after the baby's birth. I however have been suffering PMS-like storminess since the start of my pregnancy. Sometimes I can even feel myself being sullen and unreasonable, but am just unable to really do much about it. I do hope this does not influence the temperament of our child! Perhaps that explains why my baby expense budget broke the $1.5k mark today thanks to antenatal + BF classes. Maybe there is some credit to retail therapy afterall.

100 days

Today, my ticker marks the countdown that 100 days are left before my EDD. I also realise that I'm amidst a heatwave; not the one that has struck Singapore as the last few days, since the sultry, clinging heat had given way to some rain. This heat comes from inside me I realised, as everywhere I went, it seems that the airconditioning doesn't work anymore. I used to cuddle up in blankets in our aircon room at night, now I'm all warm and kicking them off. I used to swaddle myself in layers of jackets in the office, now I can do quite well without them. So needless to say, when I'm outside, I'm boiling inside and out. So I really appreciate the reprieve of rain from the relentless heat.

I also finally completed my spreadsheet of expenses. So far, we exceeded $1.3k on baby's expenses, leaving a miserly $200 on my estimated expenses. Considering the number of things we had yet to buy, I decided to expand my budget by another $500. Do hope can keep within budget.

To Spree or not to Spree

Just some days after I bought those books and promised myself to stop spending, I find myself buying once again from the motherhood forums. So I paid for more bibs and rompers last night and am now waiting their delivery. hahaa... think my baby gonna wear nothing but rompers and bibs til she turns 1! Fortunately, my hubby was quite supportive and didn't blow up a storm. For although each time we try to keep our expenditure for small items (clothes, books etc) about $50 each time, aside from the times I spreed from US, Softplay and Old Navy (aiyah must buy more to save on shipping right), the many times I buy wipes and books and clothes and bibs certainly seem to be adding up.

Today I continued my purchasing frenzy by placing orders for more neurogain (DHA pills) and desitin (supposedly a miracle diaper rash cream). but but these are different right? they are necessities! haha, not that rompers and bibs are not lah. just that do i really need so many of them?? and i really shouldn't buy all pretty bibs. That day saw a pack of plain bibs selling at ikea for a fraction of the price I'm paying - yet I didn't buy those! but but... coz non-pretty bibs are just so boring!! ;P ok ok, still i don't need that MANY. ok so cut down it is...

I decided to follow my friend's advice and keep track of just how much I'm spending by tracking my expenses in an Excel. I'm terrble at this, I know from the first time I tried it with my wedding expenses. Nonetheless, I'm gonna give it another shot. Hopefully, the amount I'm spending will scare me into spending less haha. So now i must wreck my brains to think of what I have already bought so far... hmm...

Baby books and stuff

Baby is 25 weeks old today. I'm almost into my 3rd trimester. Boy time really flies. I'm getting more tired and testy lately. The hot and humid weather isn't much help really. Neither is the stress at work. As my deadline for the surveys approach, and the MST week draws nearer, all my procrastinated tasks are coming back to haunt me multifold. Well nonetheless, some updates:

On Sunday I fly my friends' aeroplane to attend my family's dim sum father's day celebration. Food was a tad salty but we had great fun nonetheless in the gathering. Finally got to catch my sis free from work (she had been OTing and working many of the past weekdays and ends). So grilled her many questions I had about baby stuff etc. heehee...

After dim sum, Ming went to PC show to get some stuff for his brother while I went Marina Square to once again buy baby stuff. Fortunately, went home with a little less than $50 burnt. Would have been more, had we driven there haha. JL had a fantastic sale on car seat and I wanted to get a new baby mattress. But since we hd to lug all the stuff home, I made do with what Ming could carry. haha

It was a crazy hot day as we (or he) struggled with our buys while waiting for the buses. More than half hour and 3 very packed buses had passed, and we were still there steaming away. Temperatures rose, as did my temper as we gave up on the buses and decided to change a bus home.

Monday and Tuesday, I was on course and had the luxury of leaving office about an hour before my usual 6pm. Had a great time shopping for books at the PS Atrium sale. So far, I've got 2 boardbooks (Eeyore and Minnie Mouse), 1 lift the flap book (Arthur), 1 50 bedtime stories to tell the baby, 2 Winnie the Pooh audio books that time bought from Hong Kong, and 2 paperbacks (english-chinese Minnie Mouse book and one Tigger's Tales book). I had also bought a 10 strategies of parenting book that day. This was on top of the 3 SoftPlay Soundbooks ordered from US. haha... i think i better stop with buying books! But I had always loved books when I was younger, and hoped my baby would love them too. I know my nephews don't and I find it such a pity :(

The Southern Ridges

Inspired by some of my friends doing the Anlene Orchard Mile, I finally got off my lazy ass and convinced my hubby to bring me to the Henderson Waves. We started off with an unhealthy breakfast of my favourite prata to give us the extra umph, then a brief MRT ride to VivoCity and that marked the start of our trek. See the cable cars in the background? We started off there with a rough trail and many many steps uphill until we finally reached the Jewel Box. Then the trek became much easier as we descended until we reached the beautiful Henderson Waves.

After that, we assessed that we could still go on, so we continued on to try reach the Alexandra Arch, which ended near my previous JC. On the way, we passed a lovely garden and couldn't resist a brief detour to catch some Kodak moments before heading on the long windy Forest Walk trail. Eventually we made it to the Alexandra Arch, before grabbing a cab to Ikea for lunch and some shopping =) We headed home tired, but happy and full of memories. Hope next time when Baby is born, we can continue such treks with her along!

Some info from NParks website about Southern Ridges:

The Southern Ridges comprise a 9-kilometre chain of green, open spaces spanning the rolling hills of Mount Faber Park, Telok Blangah Hill Park and Kent Ridge Park before ending at West Coast Park.

It is an area steeped in history and is home to some of nature's greatest gifts of flora and fauna. It is also one of the best spots in Singapore to catch panoramic views of the city, harbour and the Southern Islands.

Convenient connections

Two prominent connections stand proudly along the Ridges today.

Henderson Waves - Singapore's highest pedestrian bridge - spans Henderson Road to connect Mount Faber Park to Telok Blangah Hill Park.

The other link, Alexandra Arch, looks like an opened leaf across Alexandra Road. It continues to Forest Walk, which is made up of an elevated walkway for pedestrians and earth trail for cyclists through the secondary forest of Telok Blangah Hill Park.

Together with a series of other interesting trails, they provide a seamless link through a soothing sanctuary of greenery that was previously not accessible.