Hopes dashed

Hopes that the nightmare nights were over were dashed last night. I daresay it was her worst night yet. Stayed up all night literally from 9ish til morning. The last good sleep I had was after managing to soothe her fussy period at 4+pm. At least previously, I still got some shuteye. It was really tough I felt, as I couldn't nurse properly coz I was so dead tired. After burping, I didn't dare put her down after a few tries caused her to wake again wanting to nurse. So be it nursing or burping, I waltzed in and out of sleep zone. I let her sleep at my chest after burping, and for a while on our bed. I was so tired, I couldn't do anything properly. I was also very thirsty after finishing my cup of water, but I couldn't summon the strength needed to get more water from the kitchen just 10 steps away. Now is 8+ but I can't seem to get back to bed, zombiefied as I am. Being tired and being sleepy was really quite different. If this kind of nightmare nights were to repeat, I will seriously consider throwing in the towel.

Times like this, I start to regret us conceiving her so soon. Yes I must admit this was not the first time I had second thoughts. But when I look at her sometimes, I'm filled with such love and protectiveness like I had never known before. Then I will look back on the regrets and feel guilty for harbouring such thoughts.